<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Semblance of Touch by semnai</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23831479">Semblance of Touch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/semnai/pseuds/semnai'>semnai</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ace Martin Blackwood, Fluff and Angst, Jon is the most lovely boyfriend and you can't convince me otherwise, M/M, Relationship Negotiation, Touch-adverse Martin Blackwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:27:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23831479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/semnai/pseuds/semnai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Even before walking the path of the Lonely, he had never been an overly touchy person. He had always shied away from any overt signs of affection from friends. He always supposed, though, in a relationship, he'd be more touchy-feely, making sure his love was known through all those little touches that always seemed to mean so much to others."</p><p>Martin comes to terms with how he feels about touch in a relationship, a difficult task fresh out of the Lonely with an expectant Jon.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Aspec Martin Blackwood Week</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Semblance of Touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Aspec Martin Blackwood Week, for the prompt "Touch" (one day late, whoops... though it was technically written late last night). </p><p>I wanted to play around with a touch-adverse Martin, who's extremely uncertain about his relationship with Jon, and a more confident Jon, who is eager to love him.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It had been so long since he had felt someone's touch. Martin couldn't shake that thought ever since Jon had reached out to him and took his hand, leading them out of the Lonely, never letting go.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That little gesture felt electric, sparks crackling in his chest, kindling into a warm, gentle flame that slowly, but surely pushed the fog out of his mind. All the while, he could feel himself coming back to life, waking up, </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling </span>
  </em>
  <span>again, and it was painful, but in a good sort of way, like sore muscles after a long-put-off workout. All from Jon's hand continuing to remain in his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How long had it really been since someone's hand had brushed his by accident? Since he had received a hug? A pat on the back, or even simply someone bumping into him? Months maybe? It had felt much, much longer though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even before walking the path of the Lonely, he had never been an </span>
  <em>
    <span>overly </span>
  </em>
  <span>touchy person. He had always shied away from any overt signs of affection from friends. He always supposed, though, in a relationship, he'd be more touchy-feely, making sure his love was known through all those little touches that always seemed to mean so much to others. Brushing your love's arm, running your fingers through their hair, leaning into each other, holding each other in bed. And kisses, he had spent many hours daydreaming about the sort of kisses he could gift if he was dating someone. It had felt… nice. A gentle sort of love that he was drawn to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now… he wasn't so sure. He knew that from what he Saw in the Lonely, Jon loved him, and he loved Jon. He'd had barely any time to process this, but the obvious conclusion was that this would become a real relationship. Him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>with Jon Sims</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And it delighted and terrified him in equal measure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> When they had reached his flat, Jon had run a hand down his arm, a light touch he probably thought was going to be a reassuring, loving gesture, but Martin couldn't help it, to his embarrassment he </span>
  <em>
    <span>flinched,</span>
  </em>
  <span> with a sharp inhale of breath in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, sorry," Martin muttered immediately, head dropping down, unable to meet Jon's eyes, as the flame flickered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Martin," Jon breathed. He had immediately put his hands up, in a placating gesture. "I'm the one who should be sorry, I wasn't thinking."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martin quickly shook his head. "Jon--"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Jon said, voice sharp, before sighing. "Martin, you have nothing to be sorry about. You just went through, no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>have been going through</span>
  </em>
  <span> a traumatic event. This is... This is normal, unfortunately." Jon's arms were both still raised slightly in Martin's direction, and Martin wondered if Jon was holding himself back from giving a hug. Instead, Jon bit his lip, and turned back to the door to unlock it.  "Here, let's get inside and I'll make you some tea."</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For someone who had never been in his flat, Jon was surprisingly apt at navigating through it, and easily found his tea stash and got to work putting the kettle on and cleaning some mugs. Martin hovered, a few feet away, wanting to help, but unsure how or if it would be welcome. Jon appeared so self-assured, in a way Martin wasn't used to. How much had changed?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon brought two steaming mugs of tea to Martin's rickety kitchen table, placing one in front of each chair. Martin all but collapsed in the chair, exhaustion rapidly setting in as he grabbed his mug and mulled what had happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So…" Jon began, taking a sip of his tea and giving Martin a tentative smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So," Martin repeated, both hands around his warm mug, holding it up so that warm steam would drift past his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was thinking we could--"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jon," Martin interrupted abruptly. The words were bubbling up, and he found, to his surprise, he actually wanted to talk to Jon about this, instead of hiding it away. If this was going to cause Jon to walk out of the door, then so be it. Better now, then after he gets comfortable being loved. (Was this him being brave or was it the Lonely still talking, trying to push Jon away? He tries not to consider that too hard. It can be both, right?)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What if this doesn't go away? What if this is who I am? Someone who can only handle small doses of touch, doled out carefully? That you can't hug me whenever you want or maybe only rarely kiss me, if at all? Will that--are you... okay with that? I was never-- I don't think I ever was-- I'm afraid this is who I am."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon looked stricken. He leans forward, but does not reach out, gripping his mug tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Martin, I--" He appears to consider his words, glancing away briefly before looking Martin in the eye. "I must admit, I wasn't expecting it. And I--I'm normally affectionate in a relationship, or, well, I was with--hm, with Georgie."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martin nodded, his heart dropping slightly in spite of himself. He supposed though that this was probably inevitable, so it was good he was getting it out of the way before he disappointed Jon further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But, Martin, this isn't um, what do you call it, a 'deal-breaker'. Touch, how little or how much you want it, isn't what draws me to a relationship. It's you. I want to be with </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You're what makes me happy. I'll follow your lead on whatever you feel comfortable with."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears well up in Martin's eyes, and he nods. "But if you ever start to feel differently?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll tell you, I promise. For your information though, that's not going to happen," Jon said firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks," Martin said softly, before giving a small,watery laugh. "I'm happy you're here Jon, I swear. I'm--I'm, well, overwhelmed doesn't even </span>
  <em>
    <span>begin </span>
  </em>
  <span>to cover it, that you came for me. It's just… this is all a lot. At once."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course, Martin, this will take time. Thankfully," Jon paused, smiling tentatively, "it seems we have at least a little time we can take advantage of, even if it's just to recoup." Jon gave him an examining look, and Martin squirmed a little at the attention. "And you need to eat more. What were you doing, skipping meals?"</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martin shrugged. "Didn't seem important at the time, but," he said, blushing slightly, "I'll do better now?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, you will," Jon said in a firm, authoritative voice, and Martin was suddenly flung back in time to when he was just a lowly archival assistant, until Jon's expression softens.  "I'll make sure of it," he murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, sir," Martin said, equally soft, but unable to hide a slight grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then very deliberately, Jon put his hand on the table palm up. An invitation for him to refuse… or to accept. Martin could feel his heart pick up as he contemplated the decision. In the Lonely, it was so easy, as he awakened, to accept Jon's warm hand in his. But now, when he had to make the decision… As he contemplated it, he looked from the hand to Jon, who was looking shyly away, sipping his tea. Martin realized that he could keep making these decisions, that Jon would keep letting it be his choice whether he wanted to be touched or not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martin reached forward, purposefully, but stopped just before Jon's hand. Instead of clutching Jon's hand, he brushed his fingers across Jon's fingertips, just the barest feather of touch, before resting his fingers on Jon's. Jon's fingers flexed slightly, moving up against his, but otherwise stayed where they were, letting Martin lead. Looking up, Martin took in the softly affectionate smile Jon gave him, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>melted</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Martin could feel Jon's warmth, lifted from his fingers, seeping gently into his skin. Even as he drew his hand away, he continued to feel warm from Jon's smile, from the love directed at him, and he knew it would always be enough.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are deeply appreciated, as always. &lt;3</p><p>You can find me on my <a href="https://acemartinblackwood.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>, where I love talking about JonMartin, marine biology, and anything TMA!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>